An open letter to Osama Bin Laden

Dear Mr. Bin Laden:

First of all, I know that since I live in the United States you do not like me and I must admit, I don't like you very much either. However, you threatening the one necessary event we have to attend every Sunday is a smart idea on your part. How did you come to realize that Americans love football so much? Why do you hate it so much? Are you a Raiders fan? I must say though, the stadiums that you have chosen to send "dirty bombs" to do not tickle my fancy. Why are you targeting the stadiums in Seattle, New York, Miami, Atlanta, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland and how do you know that all of these stadiums are being used on Saturday?

Why bomb the relatively new stadiums in Seattle and Houston? Why bomb the homes of lost franchises in Cleveland and Miami? Why bomb the peaceful cities of New York and Atlanta? And lastly, why bomb the home of the Oakland Raiders? Is it just a desperate attempt of trying to get some sort of emotion out of Art Shell? If so, it probably will not work.

(Note: Am I the only football fan that believes that Art Shell died years ago and Al Davis just hired a very life-like statue of Shell? This is possibly the best and most realistic option in why Shell shows NO emotion on the sidelines)

Back to giving the attention to you Osama, which is what you really want after all. If you were to go through with these acts of terrorism, which you probably will not, it would be devastating. This would be a terrible blow to our country, our freedom, the NFL and, most importantly, my fantasy football team. Not only would you wipe out 14 football teams and thousands of fans, but you would kill off almost half of my fantasy team!

No longer could I feel the pride of predicting the breakout seasons of Greg Jennings and Reggie Williams. No longer could I be a part of Willie Parker and Tatum Bell launching themselves to league stardom. No longer could I bask in the glory of Anquan Boldin and Matt Hasselbeck. And finally, I would no longer have the excuse I use for my losses in Randy Moss.

So Osama... Here we are. Is bombing these seven stadiums really going to make you feel better? Will it really help you get over the Raiders lost season? Is it worth destroying the emerging fantasy team of an innocent college student? Ponder over these questions. Think before you act Osama. Don't do this. Unless you really do want to squeeze an ounce of emotion out of Art Shell. For that, I would sacrifice my team.

Happy Terrorizing,

The Crimson Column